Keep Tap Water Safe

It’s the Drilling Giants vs. the PA “Team Players” in the biggest Industrial-Environmental League match-up of all time! While the Drillers are known for their massive salaries and star gas-letes like T. Boon Pickens, the Team Players have the ability to play a really smart game with a deep bench including PA DEP Secretary Michael Krancer, Rookie energy executive Patrick Henderson, and All State Geologist George Love… It’s going to be a power-packed contest of brains and brawn under the big lights tonight!
…It’s the bottom of the ninth, runs are tied, and Science is on the mound. The Drillers are at bat.Love’s on Second, a rock-steady defender who’s especially skilled at fielding grounders. Henderson, the speedy whiz kid from Lycoming, is on third. Bob Casey, the unlikely fielder from Scranton, is manning First.
Kathryn Klaber, the Marcellus Shale Coalition spokeswoman, sporting jersey #514, is first up at bat for the Drillers.

Science makes the pitch. Breaking ball, straight down the middle… She swings, and it’s a hit, a low ground ball, and it’s scooped up by Love who whips it to first. Is she safe? Yes! Umpire Collier calls it in “Safe!” but the crowd is booing.
Corbett, the jowly team owner, smiles from his sky-level box and waives at the under-educated masses while Klaber is dusting off her uniform. He’s being a good sport. He’s confident his team, whichever one that is, will somehow pull this off.
Next up for the Drillers, it’s Tonsa Flowback, known for his long drives and unstoppable power. Science steps back up to the mound, but wait! Technology, the Catcher for the Team Players, wants a word. He approaches Science, who’s now shaking his head but Technology seems insistent, and he returns to home base.

Flowback steps up to the plate. Science throws a slider, it’s a swing and a miss! Science, a fastball this time, another swing and a miss! The crowd’s cheering now. Science winds up for the 0-2 pitch, Flowback explodes on the ball. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s outa here! That ball is out of this park!!
The Drillers are now two runs over the Team Players. A little more booing from the crowd, though a light drizzle is coming down, and the stands here in the Green Bank Stadium are starting to thin out. Technology returns to the mound. XTO, a major gas subsidiary of ExxonMobil, one of the industrial league’s heaviest hitters, is next up at bat. Love approaches the mound to check in with Science and Technology. Coach Commonsense calls for a time out and joins them. A steady rain is coming down, and you know that’s gotta make the ball a little slippery… A few more words exchanged, and Science is out of the game! The remaining crowds are cheering wildly, they’re being rewarded for sticking it out in this weather.

Veteran, Mike Krancer, will take the mound. A long-time player in the environmental league, known for his ability to both pitch and hit, Krancer’s made a steady career of winning in these kind of difficult situations. But, of course, nothing can prepare you for The World Series of Energy. Tonight’s victors will make Global Energy and Environmental history.
XTO had a batting average last year of 31 violations in 20 wells, and really hopes to see those numbers increase in 2011.
Krancer’s already warmed up and ready to go, XTO takes the plate, and Krancer wastes no time with a fastball, slightly outside. XTO checks his swing just in time, Ball One! Next, Krancer delivers a slider right down the middle. XTO swings and it’s a foul tip. Stee-rike One!

The rain’s really coming down now. Even Wall Street’s box, which is under cover, is emptying out. This is surprising because, as principal sponsors of the World Series of Energy, they have a lot riding on the outcome of this game.

But no one more than Krancer, at this moment, who is standing on the mound, nodding at Technology’s signals. Only it looks as if he’s having trouble seeing with all the rain, it’s really coming down hard now. A few flashes of lightening were just visible beyond halo of the lights. Head Umpire, Carol Collier is now stepping into the diamond, she’s blowing her whistle and giving a clear signal. Folks, this game is called! The Drillers Bench is up, charging the field, and they’re furious, but – ho! – there’s more lightening, and clearly there’s no way they can finish this game tonight.

Rules are rules, and as every Philly sports fan knows, Nature bats last.

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